woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
