Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
