Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
