her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
