so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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