Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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