meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
