She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I touched a dick in church today
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
