i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We have started to decorate penises.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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