Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
