i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
