just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
