if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
