I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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