A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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