walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
