Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
