Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
