Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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