rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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