Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
