maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
