every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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