OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
