4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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