Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
