You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.