i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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