She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
