You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
