I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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