i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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