My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head