gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
