How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
