my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
