I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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