Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
NoShamevember. You game?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
