Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
