Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
