Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
