ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
