swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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