he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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