some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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