I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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