So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
