We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
