i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
