i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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