turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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