i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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