Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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