Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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