your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
