You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
