the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
