Im at strip club and am horny
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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