he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
how does that bad decision feel?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
