I cannot find my penis.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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