After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
