This dress was meant to end up on your floor
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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