he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
