She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
