saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize