I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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