well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
