I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you had me at cake vodka
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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