so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
