I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize