I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
