escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
