i permit you to call me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
