whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
